A Grown Up Gifted Child
As a short backstory, I was singled out as a gifted child when I was six years old by my first grade teacher. After many assessments, I was pushed ahead into the third grade the next year. I then ended up in an individualized program in middle school where I completed all of the work for sixth, seventh, and eighth grade all in one year by teaching myself. I began high school at 11, and then began taking part time college classes at 12. I graduated with my bachelor’s degree at 16, and then graduated from high school three weeks later. I believe I have a unique perspective on this topic, and my purpose in writing this is to help the parents of gifted children care for their mental health.
Many of the people who inquire about our services for their children here at Birch have gifted children. Some inquire about therapy for them, some for additional assessments, and some for parenting therapy about how to handle their unique situations. I think that all of these options are perfect for assisting a gifted child. Some children may be both gifted and also have a learning disability, and it is important to assess them for any learning differences so that they are able to best utilize their giftedness. Some gifted children may develop symptoms of social anxiety, OCD, etc. over their situations and may need some guidance to ensure that gifted programs are helping them appropriately. Some parents may need help seeing things from their child’s point of view to best support them in their educational endeavors. It isn’t easy being different, and gifted is just another form of different.
I was younger than all of my peers, so making friends was difficult. I had a bit more homework than other kids my age due to gifted programs I joined, and sometimes that meant I couldn’t do everything I wanted to do. I also felt such pressure to have the highest grade in every class and on every assignment- pressure I applied to myself to maintain the “gifted” look. All of these things gave me symptoms of anxiety, stress, and negative self-image.
When adults would talk to me about my giftedness, they would sometimes inadvertently pressure me into their idea of the term. I was always told that if I was smart, I should become a rich doctor. I then felt my career choice wasn’t good enough, and so I changed it to something I didn’t enjoy to please others. Being introduced to other children or adults as a “genius” or even “gifted” made it that much harder for me to interact with others because I felt embarrassed and different. I was only ever known for those traits, and nobody knew any better or that it would hurt me. I imagine many children go through similar and may have trouble talking about it. Evaluating them for anxiety, depression, or other disorders at the first sign of trouble or even preemptively can really help by giving them access to strategies and better mindsets for handling things, so they do not end up with worse problems later on. Allowing them to feel as “normal” as possible is also very important. Ask them how they feel about their intelligence, be mindful of your comments and the comments of others, and support your child’s wishes above all else.
Ensuring they are still able to engage in after-school activities and be a kid is also crucial. Making sure their gifted programs are not just extra busy work assignments but instead more challenging replacements for regular assignments is also beneficial so they still have their free time. Offering them help with assignments is still just as important too, as just because they are gifted does not mean they cannot be helped with tutoring or group studying. Sometimes, having a gifted child also involves allowing your gifted children to go through milestones out of place with their age. I got to go to prom with my friends for the first time at 12. But to deny me that opportunity simply because of my age would mean I would never have gotten those memories.
Raising a gifted child is incredibly rewarding while also difficult. Normal parenting rules do not apply the same, and figuring out how to best help your child may be quite the struggle. They have different needs than other children due to their unique circumstances, and you as a parent are their #1 support system for helping them succeed and cope. Parents can help further by creating a support team involving themselves, their children’s educators, and a therapist in order to ensure their child’s mental and educational success.
Kyndal Sims
Birch Psychology