Finding Emotional Balance
Our emotions can seem to be out of our control sometimes, but learning how to manage or balance them can really help us. Many of us have anxiety, so our worrying and overthinking gets out of hand. Some of us have depression, causing our sadness or helplessness to seem overpowering. Anger issues can cause emotional distress from ruminating thoughts. PTSD or trauma can cause emotional imbalance from fear or panic. ADHD can cause overwhelm. If you are diagnosed with a mental health disorder, chances are some part of it will live with you forever even with medication and therapy. That does not mean the negative emotions have to control or be present in our everyday lives, and learning how to handle some of them can be very beneficial.
Letting things go is the best first step to releasing negative emotions. If worried, remind yourself that things will be okay, you are doing everything you can, and/or your worry is out of your control/ not a present concern. Worrying about something does nothing to fix the problem besides initially reminding you of the situation. Once you allow yourself to begin worrying, you typically add additional worries in your mind and allow the situation to seem bigger than it is. This causes you to become unproductive in the task you are working on, be less happy, and add additional stress. Writing down the concern on a todo list or a calendar with a date the worry should be addressed can help get it off your mind in the current moment where it has no place. Acting productively towards the goal can help you feel less concerned about your worry becoming reality, so do that as well if applicable. Letting go of the things you cannot control at all or things that have no risk or consequence can allow you to focus more on what you can accomplish, so it is important to work through these worries and plan them out to prevent them from overtaking your thoughts. Keep a worry list, write down a worry as it comes to you, and allow yourself to let it go or solve what you can and then move on.
Acknowledging our emotions and validating them allows us to balance them and have a good relationship with our feelings. We will have moments of every emotion there is, and rather than punishing ourselves for it, ruminating on them, or denying their existence, we need to figure out the cause and either work to alleviate the feeling or allow it to pass peacefully. If a person cuts in line in front of us, we may allow ourselves to become rightfully angry. We can choose to let it go and accept it or act by telling the person to get back in line. We shouldn’t deny our anger or pretend it doesn’t upset us, as even the kindest of people don’t like or deserve that behavior. However, within a few minutes that anger should be gone and we shouldn’t be thinking or speaking about it later- we made our decision and the situation is permanently over. We will never see the person again and it didn’t ruin our day. For sadness, acknowledging it and finding the reason if possible is also very helpful, as it can allow us to feel the emotion for a bit and then consciously help it pass. It is normal to have a sad response to life circumstances, and we shouldn’t push it away and pretend to be happy, but we also shouldn’t let it overtake our life and stick around too long. Thus, we need a balance.
We should finally also be careful of allowing our emotions to be overly influenced by other people. Our anxiety may come from a fear of having to please other people or caring too much about the judgments of others. Our depression may come from the negative comments made to us by others. Our trauma may cause us to lose all assertiveness and give in to the wishes of others instead of making our own choices and decisions. The majority of our emotions involve other people, but we need to make sure they find their place. Setting boundaries with other people and being assertive with ourselves and others regarding them is hugely important. Chances are, many people may not understand they are doing anything wrong or the impact their choices are having on your emotions, even while their behaviors are consuming you. Making yourself stand up for yourself and changing your behavior to avoid these situations, people, or events can help you live more balanced and peacefully. You will always have people in your life that bring you down, but limiting their influence and number can create a good balance.
Like food, there are no good or bad emotions or feelings- only amounts. Positive feelings such as happiness and peace should be the goal, and we should strive to have these the most often, but negative emotions will always occur. We experience grief when we have reason to grieve, and that is what allows us to return to happiness. We experience stress when we are overwhelmed with things, and that is what allows us to return to peace. There is a balance in everything that we do- we just need to acknowledge that and find it. Negative emotions shouldn’t last forever, just as positive ones won’t, and punishing ourselves for them, denying them, or pushing ourselves to go through them too quickly will not help us in the long run. Speaking with a therapist about your emotional balance and how you would like to see yourself handle emotions can be very helpful, as they can pinpoint which negative emotions you are giving too much time to and can help you form a plan to return to your balance. Taking care of your personal needs and reflecting on why you feel the way you do, with the help of professional guidance, will really change your outlook on life.
Kyndal Sims
Birch Psychology
Resources
https://nickwignall.com/4-habits-of-emotionally-balanced-people/?ck_subscriber_id=910345718
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/emotional-intelligence_b_4366236