Why Can’t I Get This Done?: ADHD and Self-Esteem
It often feels like, to me, that most people have heard of and have a general understanding of ADHD, but that they don’t necessarily know what ADHD is or what it is like to have. William Dodson, MD, a psychiatrist and author posits that children who have ADHD will, by the age of 12, “receive 20,000 more negative messages from parents, teachers, and other adults than their friends and siblings who do not have ADHD.” Being one of the most common mental disorders that affects children, one would think that we would have an easier and more effective time treating individuals with ADHD. This, however, as noted by William Dodson, is often far from the truth.
The issue originates, in my opinion, in the name of the condition itself. “Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder” is a name that implies that someone who has ADHD is inherently deficient. This subconscious idea is often carried over to how people treat those with ADHD. Individuals, especially children, are often held to certain standards and have certain expectations put on them. There are expectations to perform in certain ways, to focus on certain things, and to behave in certain manners. Often, these expectations take the form of academic ones in childhood, when many individuals are diagnosed (or not) with ADHD. Over and over again, children with ADHD struggle to fulfill the expectations placed upon them by teachers, their parents, and other adults. This can and often does lead to feelings of frustration, shame, embarrassment, and discouragement. After years and years of hearing things like “just focus,” “try harder,” “pay attention,” “that’s not good enough,” and others, those feelings compound. Being corrected and criticized can even lead to individuals with ADHD struggling with feelings of anxiety, avoidance, and social isolation.
It is important to recognize when you or someone you know might be reflecting some of those critical and correcting words and phrases on others. ADHD and other executive functioning disorders are not something that can be treated by correction. Just like all individuals, those with ADHD deserve empathy and patience. It is critical to protect and support those with ADHD, especially by showing them how to be self-compassionate and kind to themselves, and this starts by being more compassionate and kind to all of those who we know who have ADHD.
Ayanna Schubert
Birch Psychology
Resources
https://chadd.org/adhd-weekly/use-summer-to-improve-your-parent-child-relationship/
https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/adhd/what-is-adhd