Finding Light in Hard Times
Hardships and trauma will happen to everyone, no matter how safe we are, as we are living in an imperfect world. We can’t prevent getting hurt, losing things, or struggling whatsoever. If we had the choice we would probably wish that everything would always be perfect for us all the time so we don’t have to feel sad or scared or worried, but we will never have that option. Each one of us has had experiences that we wish did not happen. Sometimes, we neglect to realize that some of these awful experiences ended up leading us to some of the happiest parts of our life now, and our outlook on future bad occurrences could benefit if we acknowledge this.
A person may get into a bad car accident, only to meet their future wife in the emergency room. A person could end up failing out of school, only to find their dream job. We can prepare ourselves for when bad things happen to us in the future if we reshape how our brains think about bad things happening. If when something bad happens we choose to try our best to get through it, fix it, and learn from it, instead of just getting upset, we may find even more to benefit from. If there is a possible “bright side” to bad things, it is that we are always able to learn and grow from them.
We adapt to our environments based on our experiences, and if we only experience shallow good things we miss out on so much learning and opportunity. We hear stories all the time about people who go through horrible trauma and events. Sometimes, they go through traumatic things and are forced to find the positives, and we admire them for doing so. Sometimes, they go through things and then realize that the event wasn’t a hardship but rather an unpleasant situation that pushed them into better. If we could redo our lives, chances are we’d take out a lot of the trauma and hardship but we would probably leave the events that led us to the good things in our lives, even if they were extremely difficult for us at the time. Perhaps a partner broke up with us in a really cruel way, but without that experience we wouldn’t have ended up doing xyz, which has led to our life’s greatest joy and meaning. A lot of good can come from very bad things sometimes.
This is not to say that you should be thankful for any trauma or that you are wrong to be hurt and upset by horrible things. Not at all. Some things will never create a bright side, and some things we will always struggle to deal with or wish to go away. We never know what is around the corner and why things happen the way they do, and in order to move through life as healthily as possible we must try and make the best of the things that we can however we can. A therapist is a great person to turn to for help navigating this concept!
My mom was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, a chronic and very serious medical condition, when I was a teenager. She went from literally riding a roller coaster with me one day to being in the hospital without a memory or feeling in more than half of her body the very next. MS is something she will have the rest of her life as it slowly gets worse. My mom lost the job that made her so happy that year, she could barely get out of bed, and she lost a lot of friends and family who weren’t willing to help her. Through a lot of self-reflection, therapy, and healing, somehow she claims she is grateful for MS because of the good it has brought her. She has been able to inspire so many others with illnesses to persevere and find happiness like she has. She is also more positive and in a better mood than she ever was before. She is a very talented writer, a passion she didn’t pursue before. She says she appreciates everything she used to take for granted, and she lives her life to the fullest, because she never knows what will happen. Of course, she still gets sad and frustrated and wonders why this happened to her. But since there is no cure for her hardship, she chose to make her own!
I like to think about how much different my life would be if certain hard events and life lessons hadn’t happened to me. I wouldn’t have met my husband, wouldn’t have had my daughter, wouldn’t have this job that I love. In truth, I have no idea where I would’ve ended up instead- maybe a millionaire married to Ryan Gosling with a private island- but I would go through those hard things over again if it meant I would get to end up where I am now. The struggling and sorrow was all worth it for me. It took many many years for me to feel that way, therapy even, to get me to see that I wasn’t cursed with trials but that they were unfortunately necessary to bring me where I was supposed to end up- happy.
Some people will go through unimaginable events and darkness and horror, and I can’t compare myself to that or promise that the world will always end up okay. Some events we can’t learn from, only work to heal from while trying everyday to move on as best as possible. Some things can never possibly be replaced with anything the same or better, and some things we will struggle through forever. I think it’s important to focus on any amount of good that we do have instead of the bad, as much as is possible for us. Small things, like getting to be outside in the rain on a warm day, drinking our favorite coffee in the morning, getting a hug from our child, seeing our dog run through a sprinkler, all of these are reasons to push ourselves to heal and continue growing in a world that will never stop trying to bring us down. I hope that everyone reading this is able to find something today that makes them happy, and think about some way that a difficult situation in their life has given them a reason to be happy and endure.
Kyndal Sims
Birch Psychology
Resources
https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/releases/traumatic-experiences-may-make-you-tough.html#:~:text=Psychological%20scientists%20have%20found%20that,%2C'%E2%80%9D%20says%20Mark%20D
https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Along-MiSsy-Entertaining-Cope-ebook/dp/B07V6MYXMN
https://www.inc.com/jim-haudan/adversity-is-the-fuel-of-greatness.html