Processing Grief
How to Process Grief and Embark on a Path Toward Wholeness
It’s one thing to accept that death is inevitable. But it’s something else entirely to be properly prepared for the emotions and hardships it brings when it occurs in our own lives.
We never know when our loved ones will pass away, and when they do, we immediately have to take action, sometimes setting our feelings on the back burner. However, it’s important to remember to take the time to grieve.
Just as importantly, you must grieve in a healthy way — you can’t ignore your feelings or wallow in despair. That’s why grief therapy is helpful; it empowers you to minimize the impact that these negative — and often traumatic — feelings have on your mental wellness.
The Unforeseen Responsibilities that Prevent Healthy Grieving
If you lose your spouse, you may have to comfort your children as you struggle to care for all of their other needs, which don’t take a vacation.
On the other hand, if you lose a parent, you may be tasked with handling funeral and burial arrangements. These tasks are immediate matters that take up your time and demand decision-making energy, further adding stress to your sorrow.
Finally, if you lose a family member or friend, you may have to make travel arrangements immediately to attend a funeral. These usually take place within a week of their passing, which can cause potential problems with your employer or conflict with your own responsibilities.
The Effect that Unforeseen Responsibilities Have on Healthy Grieving
Often, it’s easier for us to deal with actions and behaviors than complex emotions of loss and change. Therefore, we throw ourselves into the responsibilities to give ourselves more processing time before the inevitable breakdown.
Death causes a change in your routine for a couple of weeks, delaying the harsh adjustment period. However, once the funeral is over and you’ve returned home to life without your loved one, reality hits. Hard.
At that time, you’re forced to confront feelings of emptiness and grief that you may never have imagined dealing with.
How to Recognize Grief
Grief can manifest in many different ways, and of course, everyone processes these feelings differently. It might cause you to cling to your living family members stronger than ever before; you might increase the amount of time you spend with them, relying on their presence to keep you calm.
Alternatively, it might cause the opposite, making you feel the need to distance yourself from everyone and everything for a time to process your thoughts and feelings. Some other common signs and symptoms of grief include:
Numbness
Bitterness
Loss of meaning
Lack of trust in others
Feelings of guilt or failure to have done something
The 5 Stages of Grief
You may be familiar with Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, or at least, the five stages of grief that she identified. This aspect of Grief Theory is still widely used and renowned today.
1. Denial
In this stage, you struggle to adjust to the new reality where someone you loved is suddenly gone. Your mind is having trouble processing the situation, so while you might acknowledge the truth verbally, your mind is still working to come to the same conclusion and move forward towards understanding.
2. Anger
This reaction usually occurs due to extreme emotional discomfort as you try to prevent your emotions from being judged by others. It’s easier to be angry than vulnerable.
3. Bargaining
In this stage, you try to reason with a higher power to feel like you can control the situation through your own actions. You may promise to improve yourself, or even make threats, but this is your brain’s way of fighting the feelings of helplessness that the situation is causing.
4. Depression
Often the most obvious display of grief, in this stage, you lose all of your defense mechanisms from the other steps and are left with reality and loss. You may isolate yourself for a while, or you may cling to unhealthy coping mechanisms that you feel can make you happy, such as bad habits or bad people.
5. Acceptance
Finally, you’re no longer struggling against the reality of the situation and are able to work with your sadness instead of letting it overwhelm you.
It’s important to note that these stages are not sequential or even guaranteed. You may experience any or all of these stages, in any order, or you may not experience any and just find yourself accepting the trauma immediately.
In any case, grief counseling is recommended for ensuring that you’re properly equipped for maximizing long-term wellness. For example, you must not mistake denial for acceptance — consult with an expert to make sure.
The Benefits of Grief Therapy on Long-Term Wellness
Grief can be quick and easy, or long and excruciating, depending on several factors. Regardless, grief therapy is vital for learning and internalizing healthy coping strategies.
Grief counseling empowers you to work through the stages and processes of grief. Losing a loved one is something you may never recover from fully — and that’s okay! Losing somebody means your life is no longer the same, and that will bring many changes.
Grief, however, is something you must recover from, in your own way, and on your own timeline. You have to learn to live again and overcome your deep desire to wallow in your sadness — as deceptively comforting as that may feel.
After all, your loved ones would want to see you happy because they love you. You can honor them best by living well in their memory. To confront your grief and start a journey toward relative wholeness, schedule a grief therapy consultation with the Birch Psychology team today.
Kyndal Sims
Birch Psychology
Resources
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-truisms-wellness/201702/the-ways-we-grieve
https://www.verywellmind.com/five-stages-of-grief-4175361
https://www.webmd.com/balance/normal-grieving-and-stages-of-grief