Coping with a Family Member's Chronic Illness
One of the worst things we can imagine in life is that we will end up with a terminal or chronic illness. One of the most heartbreaking things is hearing about people suffering from diseases, especially children. One thing even worse is when that person becomes someone we love, such as our spouse, our parent, or our child. Hearing that a relative is ill, watching them live in pain, and hearing about the procedures they are having to endure can be psychologically comparable to going through these things yourself as you feel powerless to do anything about it. When one person’s life is affected by a disease, so are the lives of their loved ones in turn.
We all react to familial diagnoses of illnesses differently based on our coping mechanisms. Some may take the role of the service caretaker- making dinners every night, taking care of all house chores, and ensuring that everything gets done. Some may react by becoming the emotional supporter, spending more time by the person’s side and acting as a confidant. Most people feel that they are incapable of helping the person with the illness itself since they aren’t doctors, hospitals, or medicine, but by doing all of these other things we can at least make a difference and try to distract ourselves at the same time.
People may fling themselves in their jobs more in order to make more money to pay for procedures, they may change their personalities to be nothing but upbeat around the affected family member, or they may decide to spend so much time with the family member that they become bothersome or annoying. We may alter ourselves to adapt consciously or unconsciously as our minds try to save our positivity and we try to handle the scary new circumstances. Even if you are not the one sick, you are still deeply affected by it and it is important to recognize that in order to be the best person you can be for your loved one and yourself.
We help our loved ones handle their illnesses through both our love languages or through methods that have helped us cope successfully in the past. With love languages, we naturally select a method of showing our love to others, such as through kind words, helping out, giving things, or spending time with someone, and we use this to support our loved ones with our idea of love in their time of need. Everyone shows love and support differently, and every method does help the ill person in the long run. The person who is ill will appreciate all of these things combined as they adapt.
Psychologically, having a chronic illness in a loved family member can cause a person increased stress, anxiety, and depression. They may become overcome with worry about the person to the point it changes their sleep, functionality, or mood. They may even react negatively by avoiding the family member so they do not have to see them in suffering. They may also overexert themselves and develop caregiver fatigue or even resentment towards the affected person due to their own emotional mismanagement. It is perfectly normal and highly recommended to seek a therapist when a family member, close friend, or partner is diagnosed with an illness and you notice your habits or emotions changing. The person with the illness will still want you to take care of yourself above all so that you can give the best healthy time and attention to them and their needs without worrying about you resenting them or burning out.
Sometimes a chronic illness can mean that a person will struggle with something the rest of their long lives, or sometimes the illness is something that cuts their life short and unexpectedly. Whatever the case, being able to healthily support the person however possible is top priority, and doing so mindfully is important to ensure that the illness does not take any more than it already has.
Kyndal Sims
Birch Psychology
Resources
https://www.onlinemswprograms.com/resources/social-issues/resources-family-support-chronic-illness/