Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

Rejection sensitive dysphoria is a condition that people can experience which involves severe emotional sensitivity, fear, or pain relating to perceived or actual slights or rejection from another person. This dysphoria is comorbid with many other mental health conditions and the condition of emotional dysregulation, which involves being unable to manage emotions and reactions. While RSD is not a diagnosis on its own, it is a common symptom and condition that people may have that can be addressed and treated with other related concerns.

RSD can be very overwhelming for people and can cause consistent stress and worry. The condition lies in not have appropriate thoughts or responses to social interactions, specifically reading situations wrong. A person may feel that when they receive criticism that the person offering it hates them. A person may interpret joking as bullying. This can cause the person with RSD to react inappropriately- such as by becoming overly upset, angry, or by saying comments back to the person that damage the relationship further.

I personally have struggled and still struggle with this condition that I believe stems from my anxiety disorder. As a child, I would never speak unless spoken to, and had a condition called social phobia. 

I was never one to raise my hand in class, even though I always knew the answers. I would never make the initiative to make friends myself, but luckily ended up with some by chance who I would then grow comfortable being around. I was terrified of both adults and other children disliking me. I would come off as rude, when in reality I was just shy and scared. This led to me being an extreme people pleaser and overly afraid of social situations growing up. 

Then at the age of 16 I needed a job, and the only jobs available to children that age of course tend to be customer service related. I ended up as a hostess at a restaurant, which is one of the most social positions possible. Being forced to speak to hundreds of people on a daily basis for a living quickly desensitized me, and I've been a lot better ever since. 

Now as an adult and professional, I almost never do notice my symptoms, but I still have some issues I am working on, as we all do. For example, I am very afraid of conflict and will avoid situations in which I anticipate conflict or anger. To me, this involves an inability to stand up for my boundaries, complain about poor service, or challenge someone who has wronged me. In addition, when I feel that I have disappointed someone, I internalize it and hang onto it longer than I should. Finally, I will also become overstimulated from too much social activity and need social rests sometimes- especially after an event has gone poorly and I feel that my relationship or image was tarnished. I sometimes misinterpret people's statements and think they are upset with me when they really are not mad at all, and this is the basis of RSD. 

This is some thing that a lot of people and especially children may deal with. It is a common side effect of a lot of other mental health diagnoses that are prominent across the age span, including anxiety, depression, ADHD, OCD, autism, and PTSD. Considering how many people have some form of one of these, RSD is likely common among a lot of people. Realizing that myself has allowed me to consciously rethink about how I perceive the actions and thoughts of others. I try my best to rationalize when I feel someone is upset with me- and instead realize they would probably tell me if so, and if not, they don’t matter. I also realize that if someone is rude to me or rejects me, they could be going through the same thing I am.

While it may not be a severe detriment, it is important to address this both in yourself and in your loved ones when you notice symptoms. Therapy can be very helpful, as well as encouraging comfortable social situations. For me, I was always comfortable being around a lot of people I already knew, when participating in a hobby I enjoyed, or when the person was easy to read and I didn't feel concerned. I would write out my concerns and often give them to people when I was concerned I had hurt them or that they were upset with me, and allowing a healthy outlet for my thoughts was beneficial too. 

Kyndal Sims

Birch Psychology